Loving kindness meditation, step by step

Loving kindness meditation is the practice of wishing well, on purpose. You sit quietly and repeat a few short phrases of goodwill, first toward yourself and then outward, person by person, until the wish includes everyone.

It is called metta in Pali, the language of the early Buddhist texts. It is one of the friendliest forms of meditation to learn, because it gives the mind something warm to do rather than asking it to be empty.

Where does loving kindness meditation come from?

The best known source is the Karaniya Metta Sutta, a short discourse in the Pali canon. It describes the wish that all beings, near or far, seen or unseen, be happy and at ease, and compares this goodwill to a mother’s care for her only child.

Metta is the first of four qualities called the brahmaviharas, along with compassion, joy in others’ happiness, and equanimity. In the fifth century CE the commentator Buddhaghosa, in the Visuddhimagga, set out the order of people that most teachers still use.

Yoga has its own version. In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali recommends friendliness, maitri, toward the happy, compassion toward those who suffer, gladness toward the good, and equanimity toward the harmful, as a way to settle the mind. The page on the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali explains the text. Jain teaching lists a similar set of four attitudes, beginning with friendliness to all living beings, closely tied to ahimsa, non-harming.

What phrases do you use?

There is no single correct wording. A common modern set is:

• May you be safe.
• May you be happy.
• May you be well.
• May you live with ease.

When you offer the phrases to yourself, you can say “may you” while picturing yourself, or use your own name. Choose three or four lines that feel true, and keep them the same for a while. Some people count rounds of the phrases on mala beads, the traditional string of 108.

How do you practise loving kindness meditation?

Set a timer for ten minutes. Sit comfortably on a cushion or chair; the basics of posture are in how to meditate, starting with five quiet minutes.

1. Settle (one minute). Close your eyes or lower your gaze. Take three slow breaths, letting each exhale be a little longer than the inhale, then let the breath go back to normal.
2. Yourself (two minutes). Picture yourself, or simply feel yourself sitting there. Repeat the phrases silently, one per out-breath, slowly.
3. A good friend (two minutes). Bring to mind someone who is easy to love: a friend, a grandparent, a pet. Offer them the same phrases.
4. A neutral person (two minutes). Think of someone you see but do not really know, such as the guard at your building or a barista. Offer them the phrases.
5. A difficult person (optional, one minute). If it feels manageable, choose someone mildly difficult. If not, skip this step.
6. All beings (two minutes). Widen the circle: your street, your city, the whole country, every living being. Repeat the phrases for all of them, then sit quietly for a few breaths before opening your eyes.

If the order feels awkward, many people find it easier to begin with the good friend and come to themselves second.

What should you expect?

Some sessions will feel warm and others flat. Both are normal. Resistance often shows up, especially when offering kindness to yourself; noticing it without arguing is part of the practice.

If the practice brings up grief or painful memories, slow down, open your eyes and come back to the breath or the feel of your feet on the floor. It is fine to stop. If difficult feelings keep coming up, practise with support from a doctor or therapist.

How does it fit with other practices?

Loving kindness pairs well with breath awareness: a few minutes on the breath first can steady the mind before the phrases begin. It is one of several approaches compared in the main types of meditation. Some people end a yoga class with a short version, silently offering the phrases to everyone in the room before the closing chant.